walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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