sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
