i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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