don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
