im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
