So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Enjoy the penises
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
