I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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