We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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