I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
