This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
