Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
