Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
