wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
