heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
