NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
