my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
