So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
