Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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