We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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