You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
