it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
