I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
