I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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