The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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