In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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