um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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