ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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