Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
