i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
