She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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