There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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