saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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