Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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