I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
