there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
