A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
