You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
