btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
