I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
