how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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