Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize