So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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