I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
