that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
