Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
