if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize