planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
