you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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