The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
