If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
