dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
