The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
