remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
