i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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