Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
