Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What a dumb baby whore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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