yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
