If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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