its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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