I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
