What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
