your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize