Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
