just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
