I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
