The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
