just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
