Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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