Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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