On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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