Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize