your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
