I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
