I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
